Toddler Nighttime Anxiety and Fears…

Bedtime anxiety and fears can be very common amongst young children. And while it is likely not the actual fear of sleeping that is the problem, it is often the thought of being left alone in their bedroom that can cause sleep disturbances.

As their imagination begins to grow and develop, it may start with simply being afraid of the dark. And from there, progress into more specific fears. For young children, distinguishing between what is real and what is make believe, can be difficult. They are literal thinkers and can easily believe what you tell them or what they see/hear/read. And while they may appear fine during the day, at night, their fears can become more apparent. Their imagination can take over and their bedroom can look and sound very different.

Recent illness or changes can also contribute to bedtime anxiety and fears. Moving house, a new bedroom, moving from a crib to a big bed, a new sibling, starting a new daycare/school, a parent going back to work, or other big moments can also cause sleep disturbances.

Bedtime anxiety and fears can happen at anytime of the night, or even during naps. Your child may try to delay bedtime, wake up frequently, and/or wake early. You may notice they wake more frequently in the second half of the night or early in the morning as they are spending more time in the lighter stages of REM sleep. Furthermore, as their sleep pressure declines as the night progresses and it gets closer to morning, it may be harder to settle them back to sleep.

What are night terrors and nightmares?

Night terrors usually happen in the first half of the night, when they are in very deep sleep. They are not fully asleep or awake. However, this can be confusing for parents as their child may call out for them, cry, move around, and appear to be genuinely upset and afraid. And attempts to calm and reassure them often don’t work. The good news, however, is that they don’t remember night terrors (even though parents usually do).

Nightmares, on the other hand, are much more common in the second half of the night, when there are longer periods of REM sleep. Unlike night terrors, when they call out to parents, cry, and appear upset and afraid, they are actually awake or coming out of a sleep cycle. And while they may or may not remember the dream, they will most likely remember the feeling of being scared. It can also be hard for them to understand that what they experienced was a dream, and not reality, which in turn, can make it harder for them to settle back to sleep.

How can you help?

• Sit in their bedroom, in the dark, and imagine how it may look and feel for them. There may be certain shadows, lights, or even toys that can appear scary in the dark.

• Talk with them about what is causing their anxiety and fears, however, avoid doing this close to bedtime. It may be helpful to ask them while they are doing an activity such as colouring, playing with toys, or while in the car so they are more relaxed. If they do not want to talk about, they should not feel pressured, and you can try again another time.

• Allow them to play in their bedroom throughout the day as this can help them to feel comfortable in their room. If their bedroom is only for sleeping, they may not associate it as a safe space.

• What are they watching and reading? As I mentioned earlier, young children are literal thinkers. And hence, they may not understand that what they are watching or reading is not real. Even something that may seem very insignificant to an adult may have a big impact on a young child.

• Look at their daytime routine:

  • Are they having too much daytime sleep? Or could bedtime be too early? If sleep pressure is low at bedtime, this can cause them to take longer to fall asleep, wake up during the night, or wake early in the morning. This can result in them laying awake in bed, which in turn, may cause them to imagine fears or notice things in their bedroom that they would not normally notice during the day.

  • Are they overtired? If bedtime is too late, it can also make it harder for them to settle at bedtime, wake frequently (especially in the first half of the night), and wake early in the morning. If your little one is no longer napping, or has dropped down to one nap, ensure that they are having time to rest and relax during the day. The time they would normally nap can be an ideal time.

• Bedtime routine:

  • Children thrive on routine as it provides predictability. Their bedtime routine doesn’t have to be complicated, but it can be helpful to keep it relatively consistent. It can also be a great opportunity to have some one-on-one time with your child, which can also help them feel calmer at bedtime (please remember that their bedtime routine is included in their wake window).

  • Give them more time to unwind and relax at bedtime, preferably in their bedroom. This can go a long way in helping them to sleep better.

  • Avoid television, phones, iPads, etc. at least 60 minutes before bedtime. Not only can the blue light from the screens interfere with melatonin production, what they watch may reinforce their bedtime anxiety and fear.

  • Avoid sugary foods too close to bedtime. Foods containing tryptophan can also be beneficial before bedtime.

• Allow them to have a security object, such as a blanket or stuffy as this can provide them comfort at bedtime and overnight.

  • Important:

    • Ensure that it does not have any objects, such as buttons or ribbon, that can become loose and increase the risk of accidental chocking, strangulation, or suffocation.

    • Infants under the age of 12 months should not have any loose objects, such as blankets or stuffies, in their sleep space.

    • Weighted blankets are not recommended for sleep.

• Install a nightlight:

  • Toddler alarm clocks are great as they not only have a nightlight, they also allow your toddler to know when it is time to get up for the day (which can be a huge help for early morning risers).

  • If using a nightlight, avoid blue toned lights as it can interfere with melatonin production. Warm red (or yellow) lights are best.

  • If you feel your toddler can use a torch, this can be another great option, especially if they use the toilet or potty overnight (I would still recommend the use of a nightlight, even if using a torch). And to give them more control, allow them to pick out their special bedtime torch. However, make sure you have set boundaries around when they can/cannot use it.

• Toddlers can take great comfort in hearing their parents move around and make noise once they are in bed. You can try leaving their bedroom door open slightly (avoid too much light getting into their bedroom). If you decide to close their bedroom door before you go to bed, let them know that you will be doing that. If they wake and see that it is unexpectedly closed, this may upset them.

• Reinforce how safe their bedroom is:

  • This may include letting them push on the walls to feel how strong and secure they are, how big their bed is and how it can’t be moved.

  • If you continue to use a video monitor, remind them that you can still hear and see them while they are in their bedroom. This will also help provide reassurance that their parents are close if they need them.

• Avoid the use of things such as ‘monster spray’ as this may inadvertently reinforce their fear. For example, if a parent tells their child that monsters don’t exist but then sprays a ‘special’ spray to keep them away, to a child, this is sending a mixed signal.

If you have any concerns about your child, you suspect that their sleep issues may be illness related, or their sleep is getting worse, I strongly recommend you consult with your GP.